Losing My Mind
by pprbckwrtr
Summary: Happy Women's Murder Club day! Based on a song from The Cranberries.
1. Losing My Mind

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters or the music. The songs are from The Cranberries new album Roses. Go...get it.

A/N: This idea hit me the moment I first heard this song. I think Dolores's muse came over and kicked my muse's ass.

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**Losing My Mind—The Cranberries**

_Come in to bed_

_Switch off the light_

_Close your eyes_

_Sleep tonight_

_Think of all the things we did today_

Cindy opened her eyes to study her bedmate. Lindsay's face was calm and relaxed, nothing like when she had first shown up on Cindy's doorstep. She had known who it was before she'd even opened the door and she warred with herself before answering the determined knocks. But she knew it was a losing battle; sadly, leaving the door closed would be even more painful. At least she got some small satisfaction knowing that Lindsay was just as conflicted. She could sense that the inspector didn't expect to be allowed entrance, but there was no way Cindy could see the need in the dark eyes and turn the woman away.

_You touch me then_

_I fall apart_

_I lose control_

_The hardest part_

_I wish that it could be another way_

Cindy reached out and chased away the small frown forming on Lindsay's face. She traced her finger slowly down the chiseled jaw and let her hand rest on the bed between them. Lindsay smiled, then, and reached up to take Cindy's hand. The touch sent a wave of warmth through her, though not quite as intense as the heat that coursed through her when Lindsay had stepped through the door and the two had instantly melded together. It always amazed her how quickly they could make it from the front door to the bed. Especially considering their hands and mouths never left each other, but somehow their clothes always did. Some warped part of her brain wanted to record the journey just so she could see how they actually accomplished it.

_Losing, I'm losing, I'm losing my mind_

_Ruining, you're ruining, you're ruining my mind_

Cindy closed her eyes and took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay. A small part of her wished she had been strong enough to keep her date with Sami but when Lindsay had called with an update on the case she could hear in the husky voice that the inspector would be making a late night visit.

_You cut me deep _

_Like broken glass_

_I wonder when_

_This time will pass_

_Or will I fall asunder every day?_

Cindy turned her head on her pillow to wipe the tears from her face, not wanting to pull her hand away from Lindsay's grasp. Pathetic, she knew, but she couldn't resist the touch. Last week the touch had been gone. Last week Lindsay had spent the nights in her own bed, with Pete. But this week Pete was back to whatever damn country he was in and Cindy had once again opened the door. When the same thing happened three months ago Cindy told Lindsay that she had to make a choice, it wasn't fair to any of them. This time she was too far in to risk not being the one chosen, so she made no ultimatum.

_Sitting here_

_Beside the fire_

_The flames they grow_

_Just like desire_

_Will I hold asunder every day?_

Cindy watched as Lindsay's nose twitched and her eyes began to flutter, her first signs of waking. She prayed that her lover would wake guilt free-a not entirely selfless hope. They could spend the morning with a quiet breakfast and quick glances or they could re-stoke the night fire. She tried to calm her breathing and closed her eyes, reopening them slowly when she felt a slight squeeze of her hand.

"Morning."

"Morning," Cindy returned in a whisper.

"Thanks...for last night," Lindsay said tentatively as she raised Cindy's hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles

"Anytime," Cindy replied as her eyes slid closed.

"Yeah?" Lindsay asked as she moved closer.

"Definitely," Cindy answered with a sincere smile.

_Losing, I'm losing, I'm losing my mind_

_Ruining, you're ruining, you're ruining my mind_

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A/N2: This was going to be a one-shot until I got to the end of the album-


	2. Roses

**Roses-The Cranberries**

_Life is no garden of roses _

_More like a thistle in time_

_Sailing passed_

_Waiting for no one is time_

_Sailing fast_

_Waiting for no one this time_

_Now that you've killed me with your eyes_

_Why did you push me away_

_How will I make it without you?_

_How will I go on my way?_

"You can't be serious?"

Lindsay stood, staring at the irate redhead. "I didn't know he was coming this week," she offered as her excuse.

Cindy stared at her clueless friend, so many thoughts screaming in her head. "He wanted to surprise you," she offered instead.

"I know, but I just dropped him at the airport." She took a step forward but Cindy stood firmly in the doorway. "He's gone again," she promised.

"For another few months. Lindsay..." Cindy sighed as she trailed off. "How can you do this to him?"

The inspector's mouth dropped open. "Since when do you care about Pete's feelings?"

"Okay, fine," Cindy conceded. "How can you do this to me?"

"What exactly am I doing? I thought you were enjoying yourself," Lindsay replied.

Cindy snorted at the cocky answer. "You can really be an ass. I'm in love with you, Lindsay. And you fucking well know it."

"Cindy," Lindsay began softly. "We agreed-"

"And the sickest part is you're in love with me too."

"Cindy," the brunette warned.

"Aren't you?"

"It's not that simple."

"Love usually isn't." Cindy held up her hand to stop her friend's reply. "I can't do this anymore."

"What does that mean?"

"Honestly? I don't know. Good-bye Lindsay."

The inspector stood staring at the closed door for several minutes before it finally sank in that it wouldn't be reopening. "Yes," she whispered as she walked down the hall.

_Everything feels cold in the winter_

_Everything feels cold_

_Everything feels cold in the winter_

_Everything feels cold_

Lindsay stepped outside and began down the sidewalk toward her car. She stopped and stared up to Cindy's window, the light mist pelting her eyes as she waited for a glimpse of her friend. She sighed as the lights went out, the figure she longed to see never appearing.

_Life is a garden of roses_

_Roses just wither and die_

_Know that you've killed me with your eyes _

_Why did you push me away?_

_How will I make it without you?_

_How will I go on my way?_

_Life is a garden of roses _

_Roses just wither and die_

Lindsay dug into her pocket for her keys, she heard a small tinkling sound when she finally managed to pull them free. She briefly considered climbing into her car and just leaving the item on the ground. She looked back up to the darkened window and counted to ten, then twenty, before finally accepting that Cindy was serious this time. With a sigh, she bent down to pick up her dropped _thing...s_afety net, obstacle, inevitability, albatross..., she watched it twinkle in the street lights for a second before she slipped it back onto her finger.

Her heart stopped when she heard a door opening, she looked hopefully to Cindy's building...Mrs. Mathis with her little yippee dog. After one last glance to the upper window Lindsay climbed into her car and drove away.

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A/N: I know it's not a happy, but Dolores wrote the song-blame her.

And I'll say again the new album is awesome-go get it.


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